我们都曾有过 风雨过后的沉重。

有多少苦痛有你和我一起度过，一起承受

有多少快乐有你和我一起享受，一起感动

because that is when i finally attained the relief i've been yearning so desperately for.

Its chinese new year tomorrowwww. Everybody's going to dress up nicely tmr.

I planned to wear something presentable instead of jeans this year, but i didn't expect my condition to worsen so badly, or my self-consciousness to shoot up this high.

I feel so deprived of wearing nice clothes now, and I really cannot imagine wearing jeans for the rest of my life. :((((((((((

Sigh, I don't feel like going anywhere tomorrow, I just want to stay home and be safe from the judgmental society.

I know I've touch on this topic many times.

People would usually go, "hey! think about the people in 3rd word country. count yourself lucky already!"

Yes, of course I can imagine their situation being million times worst than mine.

But fact is, you only compare your life with the people in your world.

And 'world' being the what that surrounds you.

All the sufferings that the 3rd world people have to go through, it is unfair. But everyone else around them is in equal pain, be it their family or friends. In their eyes, the sufferings might be a normal thing, because everyone else is in the same plight.

Of course, that is only a presumption I'm making.

The point is, by common instincts, I would place myself among the people i came across instead of the misfortunate. Sadly, my world can only be this broad.

The so many things I am deprived of.

The unforgiving stares people give me as if I am a creature.

No explanations, no reasons, I just have to suck it up.

There were 4 passengers that sat beside me during my bus journey today.

3 of them shunned and sat slanted away from me.

I know it is perfectly understandable.

After all, my skin is in a disturbing condition.

But, can you imagine how that kind of rejection feels?

I wish to put up a sign "It is not contagious. I am also a human. Like you, I have emotions too. Please do not shun me."

Then I thought, nvm, things will get better. At least I will feel safe with my friends.

But hell no.

I know that I have no one to blame, but i really cannot take this any further.

I am on the brim, and I take every single word for it.

I can take jokes, but I can't take the repeated words for a period of time.

I have never felt this unwanted. Even with my family.

Deep down, I can feel the disappointment in my parents.

What have they done to deserve such a daughter that is not normal from all the others?

I am really tired.

As much as I always appear to have accepted it and stuff, I do mind, and I do mind a freaking lot.

I hope that someone can recognise that I have emotions too.

Woke up early on a Sunday morning to go photoshooting around the neighbourhood, WITH A NOOBISH CAMERA.

At least holding a professional camera would make you look like you're qualified to do such stuff, but with an outdated digital camera? You just look like an idiot.

But anyway! Heaven been kind to me, the weather was nice.

I started out only looking for scenes that fit the criteria of my assignment, but i found pleasure in taking photos and started snapping almost everything.

This brings me to my new dream.

All along, I wanted to travel around the world.

Now, I wna travel around the world with an overpriced professional-looking camera and capture memories.

The few shots i feel worthy of sharing,

I like the idea of swings. Shall go back to take more pictures of the swing for my final portfolio :D

And I initially hated getting into the photography module, but it now seems like a blessing in disguise, however boring the lesson is. (:

Allow me to boost for a moment.

This just came too unexpected. Yes, i have fantasized about this grade, but i curbed it down on the thought that it was beyond my reach. I was prepared to be satisfied with just improvements.

I know that O's english don't mean anything, but to a C5-er, it meant a hell lot!

I AM GLAD THAT I DECIDED TO TRY A SECOND TIME. :D

And come to think of it, I'm glad this result came 2 years late.

If not I would have chosen JC, and I'm pretty sure I would regret it.

The lens of scarcity and abundance is a topic that recently interest me into googling.

I realised I'm very much wired into looking through the lens of scarcity.

And I'm putting the blame on music. Cause I can randomly pick any songs from my ipod, and chances are, it's about the lost/past/unrecoverable/imperfections.

After all, negativity breeds negativity.

"What if abundance is already available to you? You don't have to create it, compete for it, hoard it, fear losing it, or work hard for it. Instead, all you have to do is access it."

The very simple concept that if you focus on scarcity, scarcity will result.

If you focus on abundance, abundance will result.

I look forward to the day i get complete enlightenment from this.